apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
