no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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