is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
