I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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