He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
