Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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