I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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