If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize