oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
