It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
