Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
