i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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