Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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