And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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