he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
