I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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