If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
