9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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