His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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