just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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