so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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