i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
