On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
