i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
