I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
