You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
