Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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