This is not my ceiling
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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