apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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