she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someone shattered a urinal.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
