mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
