3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this just has baby written all over it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
