I hate your face
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize