i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
did i walk over a car last night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
