Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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