I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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