fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
