I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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