a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
