i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
