Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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