the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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