im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
