all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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