____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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