the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
