You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
