am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
