Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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