I'm jealous of your bromance
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
