Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
