If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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