hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
