Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
