It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
