It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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