she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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