The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
