An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
