Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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