Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
