Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i will never coherently bang her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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