I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
